How many chances does it take to get what you want? To be treated, respected, and loved the way you deserve? How many people do you have to meet in your lifetime do you have to meet before you meet the one who would stop the world for you. How many words does it take for someone to understand that you’re holding on by a thread. And it’s not that you’re losing feelings. Because the love is there. But what about patience? That runs out. What about strength? One can only be so strong. One can only take so much before it becomes too hard to handle. How alone do you have to feel before your heart says “I’ve been hurt enough, I just want to be happy” I guess what I’m looking for is selfless love. The kind that puts the well being of others before themselves. No matter what the situation is. No matter how hard life is. Love those who love you. Mind those who matter. Above all appreciate those that only try to do good by you. Because If you don’t one day they won’t be there anymore. And then you will spend your life with regrets. And that is no way to live.
I do recall not posting last Wednesday and that is probably because alot has been going on. My boyfriend on Monday for the Army National Guard basic training and we wont be able to see each other for about 3 months :/ it is most definitely going to take some getting used to. We just spent so much time together lately and I cannot fathom how I am supposed to get used to not being able to talk to my boyfriend. Not being able to see him. Or kiss him. Or be In his arms. I miss him so much. And this is so much harder than I would have ever imagined. All in all I know this is for the best. And I know this is good for him. He needs this. he needs love and support and he needs to know he could never be replaced in my heart.
My little sister. It is amazing to think how fast they grow up :/ I am very proud of the young lady she has grown up to be. And I cannot wait to see just how amazing is for her.
Wednesday. “hump” day. There is a bitter-sweet feeling when thinking of wednesday. There is alot going on. I wish my emotions were easier to take control of. I wish I could stop myself from thinking too much, feeling too much, knowing too much. I think I am going to take these next few months while I am away from my boyfriend so I can try to make myself a stronger person. Someone who values herself more than anyone and anything. Someone that won’t let someone elses plans get in the way of her own. I want reintroduce myself to myself. Along the path of reinforcing a love almost Lost I think I lost myself. I used to control myself so well. I used to be me and I used to know who I was. I don’t want to lose myself anymore than I already have. I don’t want anyone to think that they can change me. I don’t want anyone to think that they are better or that their life is more important than me. I know who I am and I know what I want to do. No one can change that. And no one will change that. I am so confident that I can be even stronger than who I used to be without putting up a wall that prevents me from forming any new friendships.
As always I hope everyones families are blessed and happy. And I hope everyone works hard to make their dreams come true. As everyone deserves to be happy.
I am sure everyone has encountered that one boss that is has two sides to him. On one side he is totally fun and love having him as a boss. While on the other side he is a complete ass and you begin to realize he is only his fun self when he needs you for something that benefits, him. I have been working here for 5 years now if I am recording this crap after 5 years I am not gonna sit here and just take it. Besides I will soon be 20. Which means it is about time I start a new chapter in my life. A chapter in which I begin to deal with adults not 33 year old men that act like 15 year old girls.
And as for the rest of my life I am looking to work in the medical field. Not a doctor or anything fancy but something that will allow me to be deal with people Hands-on. I like knowing who I am and what I am supposed to be doing. NOT following orders from people who THINK they know what they are doing. Hopefully this works out for me.
Hope everyone is doing well with the storm aftermath! Bless you and your families. Always.
It’s that time of the week. Wednesday. The day I am now choosing to blog. Why is it that as humans we do not appreciate what we have until we have lost it? I learned that the hard way. Many moments of my life I tend to recall through memories, because that’s what they have become. They become apart of a time in our lives we wish we could get back. But sadly we can’t. We can only hope to have a future that will one day be just as memorable. And I truly believe I am doing a very good job of making sure that happens. I do not want to wake up in the morning with regrets. I want to wake up in the morning to the one I love. I know in my heart I will get that. And so much more. A happy, safe, healthy family as well.
May everyone elses hopes and dreams come true too.
I just read the most beautiful thing every about a boy who wore his heart on his sleeve and got tired of it and put it in a safe place and forgot where he put it, then met someone who kept it safe for him. Inspiration. That’s what happened. He blogs every Wednesday about life. It was a sign. I believe I was meant to read it on a Wednesday and now I too shall blog on Wednesday’s. Life is complicated but yet again it is simple. I don’t know how to live my life. Yet again, who does? I guess one day at a time will have to suffice until I figure it out. I just hope I do in time.
I wish i could understand. I wish to know what is going on. There is so much in life I am not sure of. There is so much in life I wish I knew. Life I know cannot be forced and does not alwAys go as we wish and thats what scares me. The thought of life going on without me being able to figure out how to go along with it. Without all of my greatest desires.
The other day my boyfriend asked “how often do you blog?” I answered “only when I’m inspired. Not in a routine matter” and in this moment I feel inspired. Why? Because I’ve suddenly realized he is starting to tell me he loves me all on his own not because I asked but because he feels it. I hope this means were moving in a positive direction. I hope I am not just making all of this up in my head. I hope I am not just getting my hopes up just to be let down, again. But I feel in my heart it’s real. I love you Phillip.
